Category Archives: Life is Fun!

Ode to Home Fries

Image shamelessly stolen from https://happydomesticity.wordpress.com/2013/03/31/crispy-home-fries/, but with a link to this great recipe to make up for it.

Image shamelessly stolen from https://happydomesticity.wordpress.com/2013/03/31/crispy-home-fries, but with a link to this great recipe to make up for it.


Once upon a time, I worked as a standup comic. This means that I spent more than my fair share of time eating in diners after “closing time.” I wrote this poem back then and recently found it in an old notebook. I’m posting it here for posterity.

It’s three in the morning, the bars are all closed.
I’m with all my friends here at Denny’s.

It’s been a long evening, we’ve hung in there well.
In fact, no one has passed out but Jenny.

And here comes our waitress, hair perfectly coiffed,
a run in her hose, that’s the truth.

She pours us some coffee, slaps down a few menus,
while Tommy barfs in the next booth.

“May I take your order?” our waitress inquires,
while casually scratching her butt.

The couple beside us is kissing with lust.
Do I have to watch all this smut?

My friends place their orders. It’s my turn, you see.
A sparkle appears in my eyes.

I know what I want, I’ve been waiting all night.
I want bacon and eggs and home fries.

Home fries, o’ home fries, a pagan delight.
O’ where did you get your sweet name?

I’m sure that some housewife made you up in a rush,
then went on to seek fortune and fame.

Great hunks o’ taters, fried to a crisp,
Tasty cubes all golden and brown.

Not often in life is one able to find
such a food that turn frowns upside down.

My friends are done eating. They sit back and they belch.
They talk about ordering pie.

Not me, I’m not finished. I’m just getting started.
“Oh, waitress! Bring me more home fries!”

***

The irony is that I don’t particularly like home fries. I prefer hash browns. But the words “home fries” are funnier. Or so I seemed to think, back then.


Lisa Bonnice is the author of five books, including Shape Shifting–reclaiming YOUR perfect body (with a foreword by Neale Donald Walsch) and the comedy novel, Be Careful What You Witch For!

 

My experience with Chakradance

My friend Emma Porter is a Chakradance™ facilitator. For a long while I’ve wanted to participate in one of her workshops, and was finally able to this morning. I’m happy to report that it’s just as wonderful as she promised, and more.

Click this image for a great article on the chakra system.

Click here to learn about the chakra system.

“What is Chakradance?” you ask. Good question. I didn’t know either. I knew what chakras are, I knew what dancing is, but I couldn’t imagine how one would combine them. Here’s a description from the Chakradance website:

In a darkened room, lit only by candle-light, we move to music created to resonate with the vibrations of each of our 7 major chakras.  We dance with our eyes mainly closed, and our attention turned inwards, for unlike most other dance practices, Chakradance is about making a connection with our inner world – the world of our imagination, feelings, intuition and senses.

dancingbabyAt first, I felt a little weird. I’m open to new experiences, but I’m slightly uncomfortable dancing in front of other people. As my friend Leanne said,  “I don’t want to be the ‘old lady’ on the dance floor.” I know exactly what she means. Neither of us are going to be out there twerking any time soon.

But this isn’t dancing, per se. It’s a moving meditation. In fact, you don’t even have to dance (you can if you want to, but you don’t have to). You can sit or even lie down, which is good because I am currently dealing with an ankle injury that made it hard for me to meditate2this2stand for very long. So I sat down halfway through and “chair danced”, and the experience was just as deep.

I attended the “7 Keys to Freedom” workshop, which includes nine songs: seven designed to resonate with each individual chakra, and two more as intro and outro music. For each song, Emma gives specific guided instructions, which I found to be extremely powerful and easy to follow.

A couple of people in the workshop with me described it, afterwards, as taking a journey into themselves. Emma said that she’s heard that before. I can see why. It really is like entering an altered state and taking a trip into your inner being. I don’t know how else to describe it. You’d have to be there.

I’ve listened to all sorts of recorded chakra-balancing and guided meditations over the years, but there is something very different about this. I was truly surprised by how effective the experience was.

The best part was Emma, herself. She gets so much joy out of facilitating these workshops that she makes you feel welcome, comfortable and ready to participate. If you’re in the Phoenix, AZ area, and want to give it a try, check out Emma’s website for her schedule of events. And if you’re not, or would like to just try it at home, you can purchase DVDs and CDs at their site. Save 10% with discount code: EMMA

chakradance

The Goddess of Hummingbirds

I have two hummingbird feeders hanging from my second floor balcony. I love sitting out there and watching all of the birds in the nearby tree, but I especially love watching the hummingbirds.

I love the view from my patio.

I love the view from my patio.

I didn’t know, before I hung the first feeder (I started with the one on the far left), that hummingbirds are extremely territorial and downright vicious when it comes to protecting their food source.

One bird in particular laid claim to the feeder and wouldn’t let anyone else near it. He would sit on a nearby branch, chirping, and at first I thought he was singing a song of hummingbird happiness, “Look at all the food! Isn’t life grand? Hey, Other Hummingbirds, look what I found! Come join me!”

But once I Googled “hummingbird behavior” I discovered that what he’s really saying is, “This food is mine, bitches! You come near, you die!”

Say hello to my little friend.

Say hello to my little friend.

Whoa. Not so friendly.

So I bought another feeder and hung it at the other end of the patio, hoping that some of the other hummingbirds in the area would get a chance to eat.

I was wrong. That little bugger sits up in the tree, practically screaming, like Daffy Duck in Ali Baba’s cave, “Mine! Mine! Mine!” Any bird that dares approach gets dive bombed and chased away.

It’s funny to watch how the other birds seem to work together: “I’ll distract him, while you go get a quick sip. Then it’s your turn to have my back.” Meantime, Mr. Grabby spends his entire existence chasing and screaming, to protect an overabundance of food. He never gets a chance to relax and enjoy.

I wonder if that’s how the Universe works. It gives me all I need, and enjoys doing so, but I’m too busy stressing out and protecting what’s “Mine!” to notice. What if I’m sitting on my branch, freaking out whenever it looks like someone else is dipping into what I feel is a limited supply? After all, once in a while those feeders get empty and then they disappear for what feels like an eternity.

What if, while my feeders are gone–and it feels like the world has come to an end because my supply has disappeared–it’s just because the Big U is cleaning them and cooking up a new batch of sugar water for me?

Looking for experts: healthy birthday cake recipes!

I’m sending out the call for experts again. This time, I’m looking for recipes for the best tasting healthy birthday cake!

Yellow Sheet Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting & Berries

My birthday is Saturday. I would love to celebrate with a cake and candles, but I’ve  lost 35 pounds and cleaned up my dietary habits to the point where the kind of cake I used to eat would probably make me ill. It may taste exquisite, but I know the aftereffects of eating that kind of thing all too well.

So if I’m gonna have a birthday cake, it’s gonna have to be really healthy, with a minimum of fat, sugar and processed ingredients. (This means no Splenda or aspartame.)

This may sound impossible, but I know there are recipes out there and I’m asking for the experts on this subject to chime in.

If you eat mostly clean, what is your favorite cake recipe?

Looking for experts: walking shoes

I’ve only recently begun taking walking seriously as an exercise (I’ve lost 35 pounds! Yay, me!). That whole fitness wave, when it began years ago, went right over my head so I know less than nothing about how to buy good quality walking shoes. All I know is, they’re pretty doggone expensive, so I don’t have a lot of room to experiment.

Therefore, I’m asking the experts: you guys. If you have an opinion on the subject, let me know what you think:

  1. What is your favorite brand?
  2. What are the most important things to look for?
  3. How can I be sure they fit properly? (Just because they feel good in the store doesn’t mean they won’t start to hurt once I’m a mile from home already.)
  4. What do you think about gel insoles?

I’m going shopping at the end of November for a pair in the $100-ish range. My birthday is coming up, and that’s what I would like–a really good pair of quality walking shoes. I’m getting in tip-top shape for our 2014 trip to the UK, where we’ll be walking a lot, so this is important.

I would sure appreciate your feedback so my feet won’t be hurting when I’m blowing out the candles on my birthday cake!

Why I need a new camera/phone

Black-chinned Hummingbird -- Moab, Utah, USA

This is what I saw. This is NOT what my camera saw. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

While out for my morning walk, I saw a hummingbird. Right there. In front of me. Not three feet away. It was zipping around a flowering bush next to the sidewalk, from flower to flower, apparently not minding at all that I was there. I took out my cell phone to triumphantly take my first photo of a hummingbird.

I was so happy. I’ve NEVER been able to get this close to a hummingbird before and have a camera on me at the same time. BLISS!

It seemed to become nervously aware of my presence, but I felt like it sensed how important this was to me. It shimmered while it tried to stay still for me, as I zoomed in and focused the camera. I held my breath and then … snap … snap … two shots! Awesome! Now I was sure to have at least one really good photo of a hummingbird.

Pfffft.

This is the better photo, of the two. It looks like a Where’s Waldo? picture. Can you find the hummingbird? Betcha can’t.

There is a hummingbird in this photo. I promise. I can see it, but only because I know exactly where to look.

There is a hummingbird in this photo. I promise.
I can see it, but only because I know exactly where to look.

Aside from my cell phone camera, I have a Canon PowerShot that I bought a few years ago for about $100. It’s done a nice job for me, overall, considering I’m not a professional photographer. I don’t need anything fancy–just a reliable, good-quality camera to carry around with me for impromptu moments of breathtaking beauty. But, my camera is kind of old and bulky and the new ones are light and sleek. And I never have figured out how to work all the settings–it’s not intuitive enough for me.

So between my search for a new cell phone and a new camera before our trip to Blackpool next summer, I’m hoping to combine the two as well and get a phone with a good camera–hopefully, one that can handle the occasional once-in-a-lifetime hummingbird pic.

Granted, a lot of this is operator error. Even with an excellent camera, that’s not a great photo. But birds really don’t pose, do they? I was lucky to even get this close. On the other hand, other people manage to capture brilliant photos of hummingbirds, don’t they? Part of the problem is that I couldn’t see the screen because of the sun behind me, and I wasn’t wearing my glasses. Even so, there should be some semblance of a bird in this picture.

Gaaah. I’m rambling. I’ll stop now. Just wanted to make a note of this so I remember what I want–a camera that has an easy-to-see screen–when it’s finally time to shop. We won’t be making any big purchases for a few months. Right now I’m just wish-listing.

P.S.:  Here’s Waldo …

Here's Waldo

Here’s Waldo

An Old Broad goes High Tech — Vlog 1

Here is my very first Vlog! Woohoo! Lisa steps into the 21st century! I transcribed it for those of you who hate watching videos online, or whose browser–like mine–always crashes the Flash player and makes watching videos hell.

Hi. I’m an old lady, and this is my old lady phone. It’s a prepaid Net10 Samsung T401G, and it’s been perfectly fine, for my purposes. I work from home, so I really only use it for the occasional call while I’m out running errands, or minor things like that.

It has decent text capability, but the browser is practically useless. It’s better than nothing, but it’s really sort of a dinosaur these days.With the trip abroad that Jeff and I are planning next summer, we’re both going to need better phones, cameras and computers, and I don’t want to wait until the last minute to do this. So now I’m starting to research what would be the best phone and service to replace my current one.

I’m leaning toward Credo Mobile, because I like what they stand for, that they are working toward progressive social change. So I’d like to toss my business their way. The question is, is it affordable? I’ll get back to you on what I find out.

I’m also starting to shop around for cameras and computers, and will be posting future blogs on those, so if you’re in the market for that kind of thing, and have advice to share, chime on in!

Testing my camera–wanna see?

In anticipation of our trip to England & Scotland next summer, which I will be blogging extensively, I took my camera/phone with me on my morning walk today. I am learning a few things: how to take good pictures while walking fast; which site to use for uploading purposes; best way(s) to carry the phone to keep it handy, yet out of the way; and how lightweight my new one will need to be.

For now, I’m using my cheapo cellphone camera because I don’t really need a fancy phone yet. I work out of my house, so I’m always near my tech. Once I’m on the road, however, I’ll definitely need a much higher end phone with a really good camera in it. (I have a good camera, but I’m not taking that for these walks–too heavy and unwieldy.)

Anyway, that will all come in time. I have until next summer to research for the right equipment. Meantime, here are some pictures I took this morning. I don’t promise that they’ll be interesting. This is just an experiment:

October 4 2013 morning walk

Miley thinks Blackpool is weird

This article, headlined, “Miley Cyrus calls Blackpool the ‘weirdest place she has ever been’, people of Blackpool revolt on Twitter” gives me cause to smile.

http://uk.omg.yahoo.com/gossip/the-juice/miley-cyrus-blackpool-weirdest-place-she-has-ever-been-blackpool-twitter-103053980.html

I’m not going to say anything bad about Miley Cyrus. She’s a kid, and I’ve matured enough to know better than to take easy pot shots at a young celeb. But I will say that I’m glad that this child, with her particular taste in lifestyle, doesn’t like a place I am itching to visit.

I can’t wait to get to Blackpool. 😀

Is this a clue?

A clue! A clue!  (I liked Steve best.)

A clue! A clue!
(Joe was fine, but I liked Steve best.)

Sometimes I wish that the Universe would make its messages easier to decipher. I recognize that coincidences and synchronicities reveal patterns in the chaos, but the meaning of that pattern isn’t always clear. My daughters and I oftentimes kid that we wish the Big U would leave a big blue pawprint to show us, “Yes, this is definitely a clue.”

Sometimes the clues don’t make sense because they’re nothing more than seeing lots of number sequences on clocks and license plates, etc. Doreen Virtue has a list of meanings that these number sequences have, but I don’t always have that list handy, so the message isn’t concise. I may be wrong but I believe that things like this, the ones that don’t have a specific message, are simply there to show we’re on the right track. Our actions and overall vibe are in alignment with where we want to be heading. We see these things because everything is ticking along nicely, all lined up.

Sometimes it’s hearing the same song over and over, in strange places, until you finally listen to the lyrics and hear what the clue is trying to tell you. Sometimes you just happen to open a book to a page that shows you the exact information you were looking for. Sometimes the clues make perfect sense, like the ones I’ve been writing about lately, with the tea party, or the fact that Blackpool is coming up in conversation with people who have no good reason to bring it up.

I have a new one that I haven’t yet figured out, but it’s certainly got  my attention. Here’s some background:

I recently started reading John Steinbeck‘s The Grapes of Wrath for the first time. I know, I know–someone my age should have read it by now. Bare minimum, how did I get through school without being forced to read it? I don’t know. Somehow I’ve managed to avoid reading what I assumed was an incredibly depressing story about dirt and poverty. In any case, I’m almost done reading (it’s brilliant–Steinbeck is dazzling–but that’s not today’s subject).

Last week I watched Louis C.K.‘s latest HBO special, and out of nowhere he started talking about The Grapes of Wrath. What are the odds of that happening? Seriously. How weird is that? What an amazing coincidence! (But then he blew the ending! He told how it ends! I even tweeted to him to let him know he ruined the book for me.)

“I don’t mean to ruin that book for you, but you should have read it by now.”
(Do not watch if you’re easily offended or haven’t read the Grapes of Wrath.)

I’m almost done reading, and I’ve learned a lot from the Joad family and their struggles. I’ve made a lot of connections between what they experienced and today’s economy. I have a new, non-sexist view of why there was such thing as “men’s work” and “women’s work.” My understanding of social structure has been vastly broadened.

Most importantly, this book has taught me that an Oklahoma accent causes a girl named Rose of Sharon to be called “Rosasharn.” That name has been stuck in my head, like an earworm, since I began reading the book.

So imagine my surprise when I went for my morning walk today and happened upon this:

rose of sharon

Aside from this book, or out shopping for plants, I never hear of Rose of Sharon. It’s not a well-known flower. And I’ve never seen a truck with that company name before, that I can recall anyway. It’s not a local company.

rose of sharon clueI have no idea what this clue means, but I wouldn’t mind if Louis C.K. spoiled the ending for me! But, hey, if you look real close, peeking out the window, here’s you a dog. And a blue pawprint.