Category Archives: Lisa and Jeff

The zany adventures of Lisa and Jeff

Sanity has been restored!

Posted on October 31, 2010 | 1 comment

Well, sort of. The Rally to Restore Sanity was a fun and awesome event, but insanity continues in everyday life as we try to get around in a city overwhelmed by too many people and too few buses. Jeff and I are heading back into the city today to do some sightseeing, and I haven’t been able to write a decent blog because we’re spending so very much time just getting to and from the city, but here are just a few pics as a sample of what the rally looked like. I’ll tell the fun stories once I have a minute to write.

This is the Mall as we arrived, very early, in order to get decent seats and a good view of the stage.

Team Sanity: Tracy, Val, Jeff, me and Clark. Please note the vast expanses of grass all around us.

Father Guido Sarducci delivers the benediction.

So much for getting there early. This dude’s head became my view of the stage for the next two hours. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Steven, Kareem Abdul Jabar and Jon on stage and Jumbotron.

One of my favorite signs. I’ll post another blog later with all the great signs and costumes I took pictures of.

In front of the stage, after the Rally.

After the Rally. We could never have gotten this close to the stage otherwise.

Gotta go! The shuttle is here to take us to the airport, to take us to the bus, to take us to DC. Oh, my achin’ dogs! (There’s you some dogs!)

1 Comment

Posted in Humor, Life is Fun!, Lisa and Jeff, Rally to Restore Sanity

Tagged

Rally on!

Posted on October 30, 2010 | 1 comment

I’m sure it’s no surprise that there is no time to devote to a real blog at this moment (it’s been a nonstop whirlwind here in DC for the Rally to Restore Sanity) but I wanted to upload a few pics from yesterday before I leave in a few minutes on the shuttle into town.

Our hotel is WAAAAAAY further away from the city than I expected (wouldn’t you think an airport called Washington Dulles would be at least NEAR Washington?). We have to take an hour long bus trip just to get to town, so we have to leave very early in order to get there in time for the noon rally. They are expecting about 300,000 people. Wow!

The people we met yesterday were amazing. Seems everyone we saw was in town for this thing and the mood is lighthearted and fun. We’re wearing our rally t-shirts, and so are they, and it’s a huge party. Anyhoo, I have to get moving, but here at the pics from yesterday with mini commentary:

At the airport. Looks like that game Don’t Break the Ice, doesn’t it?

The incredibly packed bus into DC.

It was super cold yesterday. One girl even changed out of her flip flops into her neato shoes on the bus. I had to take a pic of her shoe, cuz it’s so cute. Sorry it’s so blurry.

These huge helicopters kept flying up and down the city. Yes, that’s the Washington Monument in the background.

The Jefferson Memorial … nice view from my friend Clark’s hotel.

Jeff pretends to be about to eat squid from our new friend Tracy’s plate. Please note I said PRETENDS. That’s as close as it got.

These folks have to be at the rally site at 6AM because they’re volunteering. LOVE her hat!

These two represent the Keep Fear Alive faction.

Whoops! Gotta go. More later!

1 Comment

Posted in Humor, Life is Fun!, Lisa and Jeff, Rally to Restore Sanity

And … go!

Posted on October 28, 2010 | 2 comments

I didn’t think I’d have time to post a decent blog before I leave for Washington DC in the morning (Jeff and I are going to the Rally to Restore Sanity/Fear, hosted by Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert, in case you live under a rock). But after I posted on Facebook that I wasn’t going to post anything tonight, a hole appeared in my evening and I was able to sit down and jot down a few notes.

I have to admit that part of me is terrified. This promises to be a huge crowd, with guaranteed mayhem on the rapid transit system. The sheer size of the event has me feeling a little claustrophobic, agoraphobic, and even arachnophobic. I’ll be fine once I get there, but I have a sick need to scare the shit out of myself just thinking about the enormity of the event. I do this every time I travel—can’t help it—but I always get over it once I’m in motion (and after downing a fistful of xanax with a glass of merlot. KIDDING! I KID! It’s half a xanax and a glass of cabernet).

Also, I’ve begun working on a life-changing and enormous writing project and it’s sort of taken over my life. To have this Rally occur while I’m extremely occupied elsewhere causes me to have to shift gears in a way that is sort of hard, but, again I’m doing it.

God, I wish I could talk about this new project because I’m bursting with excitement about it! It’s premature to say anything because of legal confidentiality agreements—plus it’s just too early to talk because sometimes leaking news dissipates the buildup of creative steam. Rest assured, however, that you will be fascinated by the new book I’m co-authoring.

I guess what this weekend boils down to is a test of my ability to shift gears and be fully in the moment, wherever I am. I have to put my project aside for a few days and just stop thinking about it so I can give the monumental (no pun intended) trip to DC and Rally my full attention, as it deserves.

I’m going to stop writing now because I’m almost speechless with antici …

Here's you a hot dog. And you better not try and hurt her, Frankfurter.

   … pation.

2 Comments

Posted in Humor, Life is Fun!, Lisa and Jeff, Rally to Restore Sanity

Tagged , , , ,

Just another tricky day

Posted on October 24, 2010 | 3 comments

My friend Elizabeth Anne Hill and I were talking the other day (she’s a writer, too) about how people accuse us of complaining when we tell what’s going on in our crazy lives, but we don’t see it that way. We both see it as noticing our circumstances and commenting on it. How else can you describe something, if you don’t point out the contrast you see? So when I talk here about being bored, I’m not complaining, I’m just sayin’.

I mean, I live in Florida, five miles from the Gulf of Mexico. I have no right to bitch. A boring day here is at least filled with amazing sights. Just last week Jeff and I went to the library because I’m doing research for a project I can’t talk about yet, and we saw this row of election signs littering the landscape. Among them was the most delightful thing I’ve seen in a long time: a candidate for Mosquito Commissioner named “Skeeter” Abbott. Only in Florida, man, only in Florida.

We decided, since we had the entire day to kill, to take a ride to Hudson Beach (which isn’t really much of a beach, per se, it’s more of a housing subdivision that ends with a small strip of sand bordering the Gulf where no swimming is allowed). The houses all have a river inlet and dock for a back yard.

On the way to the Gulf, we stopped for a hot dog at the Hudson Beach Ice Cream Parlor, a place we’ve driven past a thousand times but never visited. I was unimpressed with the “food” but hey, this is the kind of place you go for kitschy atmosphere, not fine dining.

Even if you can’t swim at Hudson Beach, it’s still a cute place to spend a little time. You can have some more crappy food and a beer at a cute beachside restaurant called Sam’s Beach Bar, which is where I usually like to spend each birthday, watching the sunset before we move on to a place to get a real meal.
 

Yes, someone lives there. Lucky bastards.

Other than that, I just love sitting there at the water’s edge and listen to the waves and the seagulls, and drool over the gorgeous houses that sit on the shore and somehow survive the occasional hurricane.

And to top off this “boring” day, check out what we saw on the way home, in someone’s front yard. We weren’t at a zoo or wildlife sanctuary, these gigantic birds were in someone’s front yard. Seriously, if you’re going to live a boring life, it might as well be under a palm tree with birds as large as a second grader running amok.

Here's you a man eating a dog.

3 Comments

Posted in Humor, Life is Fun!, Lisa and Jeff

Tagged , ,

From fanny packs to tortoise holes

Posted on October 20, 2010 | 4 comments

As Jeff and I begin to count the days until the Daily Show’s Rally to Restore Sanity next weekend, I have to start thinking about packing. I realized that I need a good, old-fashioned fanny pack to carry my stuff because I don’t care to be encumbered by a purse in a crowd of several thousand people. Unfortunately, fanny packs are currently out of style, making them impossible to find in local stores, so we set out today to find a substitute.

I don’t understand why on earth a useful tool like a fanny pack would be subject to the whims of fashion. Why can’t they be like purses—necessary, but with new and exciting designs? How else can one carry a decent amount of necessities without being stuck with the burden of keeping track of a purse? Even a backpack isn’t as useful, because it’s on your back (hence the name, right?) which, therefore, makes access difficult for the wearer but simple for a pickpocket. The fanny pack sits right there at your waist, just the right size and completely hands- and worry-free. So why can’t I buy a fanny pack, just because some fashionista has decided that they are passé? (Yes, I can get one on eBay, but that’s beside the point.)

Today, Jeff and I got on the bike and ventured out into the world, which is a wise thing to do once in a while anyway. It would be really easy to never leave the house except to buy groceries, because we really don’t have anywhere we have to go, both being unemployed. Staying in the house too long begins to feel like we’re covered with slow-setting cement, and the longer we go without getting out, the harder it is to break the crust of lethargy. So out we went.

On the way out the door, I finally happened to see our back yard tortoise at the same time I had the camera handy. One of my favorite things about living in Florida is the interesting wildlife (minus palmetto bugs … I could live without them, thank you very much) and our area is abundant with gopher tortoises. They are the bane of the construction industry, because they are protected species and if the construction cannot avoid a gopher tortoise burrow by 25 feet then a permit for relocation is necessary from the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. Our neighborhood has numerous tortoise holes, and one is right in my back yard.

You’d be amazed by how quickly these guys can move, in spite of their fabled sluggishness so I had to get over there quickly to catch it before it popped into its hole. They stop moving once they sense your presence, and send out pretty strong “get away from me” vibes, but once they realize that you’re not a threat, they go back to zipping along the grass to get to their hole as fast as they can.

Sometimes they get stuck crossing the road and it’s not an uncommon sight to see a car parked on the shoulder with the driver getting out to move the tortoise, who has frozen in the middle of the road because they sense the presence/threat of cars. The general rule of thumb is to just carry them across the road the rest of the way, in whichever direction they were pointing. It happens all the time and is just one of the many wonders of living in this part of the world.

So once my hard-shelled neighbor ducked into its hole, we went off on our mission, to find a substitute fanny pack. We headed to Walmart, but stopped at a garage sale on the way. I found this multi-use bowl for sale and took a picture because I don’t know that I’ll ever see another sign like this again. I didn’t buy it, however, because I simply do not need a mud/cement mold that can double as a dish for chips, vegetables or anything else, even if that is a whopping good price.

Once at Walmart, Jeff parked the bike in a row we’ve never parked in before and I took a moment to praise the uniqueness of this choice. I know this might sound weird, but when you don’t have a lot of money, you have to find your joy in the simple things, like parking in a spot you’ve never used before. I know for a fact that we never have parked there, because we always park on the far side of the building and have never been able to walk straight into the front door from our parking spot.

It reminded me of my habit of always keeping one bathroom stall in a commonly used public restroom as a mystery. For example, whenever I’ve worked in an office with multiple bathroom stalls, there is always at least one stall that I will never use. That way, no matter how long I’ve worked in the place, and how familiar and ho hum the place becomes over the years, there is always at least one place I’ve never seen. And on my last day working there, I will use that stall.

We passed through Walmart, in search of my new bag, and found this sticker on the inside of a large plastic storage bin. I believe this is just good advice: don’t store baby in a bin.

Finally, after searching the purse and backpack department, I found a bag that will suit my purposes in the camera department. It is the perfect size for my “writer’s kit.” It’s a camera bag for one of those big clunky cameras with the big old lens, and it’s the perfect size for my digital cam, cell phone, voice recorder, a pad of paper, a pen, batteries and business cards. It even has a belt loop attachment. I’m good to go! Washington DC, here we come!

Here's you a dog and Jeff's face Photoshopped onto Alice from the Brady Bunch. Amazing resemblance, no?

 

4 Comments

Posted in Humor, Life is Fun!, Lisa and Jeff, Rally to Restore Sanity

Tagged ,

Snoozeville, USA

Posted on October 11, 2010 | 3 comments

“Say, Lisa, why no new blog posts?” you might ask. If you did, I would respond, “Because life has been so freakin’ boring that I have nothing interesting to write about!” However, I have taken some fun and interesting (to me, anyway) pictures, so I think today’s blog will be just that … a bunch of pics that are collecting dust in my Pictures folder.

One has to wonder why they didn’t just buy a new mailbox.

I defy you to find one yellow tomato in this picture of “Yellow Tomatoes.” Orange, yes. Yellow, no.

I thought this was just a pretty building when I took the picture. I didn’t even notice the name of the place until I got home and looked at the pictures I took while in Tarpon Springs with Clark last week.

There are just so many unexplained focal points in this one. (Taken in St. Pete, across the street from Tropicana Field, as are the next few pics.)

Ferg’s Sports Bar in St. Pete. I love all the colors.

On the sidewalk in front of Ferg’s. It says:

New York Mets
St. Louis Cardinals
The Mets go on to win another World Series
but the real earthshaking news is
groundbreaking for the St. Petersburg’s
downtown domed stadium.
Jim Healey & Jack Lake
Baseball
Boulevard
1986

 

In Ferg’s ladies room. Yes, I’ve become “that person.” Hey, Jeff doesn’t just pick up the camera to take pictures of me when I think I look okay that day, so someone has to do it!

This was on display at FolkFest St. Pete, the day we went to see the Indigo Girls concert on October 1.

This is a closeup of the same truck, above, of the doll heads on the cab’s roof.

One of the neato art displays at FolkFest.

I think Jeff found where they hid the yellow tomatoes.

 

It bothers me that my toaster has a nicer set of boobs than I do.

When you’re bored, anything makes an interesting picture. Here are some pics of us going through a car wash, from inside the car. Some of them turned out pretty cool!

 

And, of course, here’s you a dog:

3 Comments

Posted in Humor, Life is Fun!, Lisa and Jeff

Tagged , , ,

Indigo synchronicity

Posted on October 2, 2010 | 1 comment

The Indigo Girls perform in St. Petersburg, FL October 1, 2010

I recently told the amazing story of how Jeff and I met twenty-one years ago, but the story continues this week with some incredibly delicious irony. Back then, Jeff came to visit me in Chicago two weeks after we met and it was during this visit that I realized that he was the one for me. It was also during that time that we began a shared admiration for the music of the Indigo Girls. Last night, we saw the Indigo Girls live for the first time, two weeks after our anniversary. I can’t help wondering what this synchronicity means.  

One of the things we did while he was visiting me that first time was to hang out at one of the local comedy clubs (we were both standup comics, if you’ll recall) called the Comedy Womb. I lived close to the Womb, and that’s where all the Chicago comics would hang out on a Friday night to grab a little stage time. It was a very small crowd, so the comics had the run of the place, to do pretty much whatever they wanted, so one of my comic buddies, Bennett Michaels, brought his guitar up on stage and sang a real (non-comedy) song, Blood and Fire, by the Indigo Girls. He tore the song up and brought the house down, and it was while he was singing that I realized for the first time that I was actually in love with Jeff. So it became “our song” and was even played at our wedding for our “first dance.”

We loved the Indigo Girls so much back then that my daughter Kristina even posted this on my Facebook page yesterday, after “Liking” my comment that Jeff and I were going to see them last night (BTW, she’s butchering the lyrics to the song Closer to Fine):

Krissy: let me clarify! i like that life has taken a turn for the better. i DO NOT like the indigo girls. altho i like that you guys can take in their squawking without having to hear it myself. thank yuh.

Lisa Bonnice: Did I mention it’s a free concert?

Krissy: WOW!! that’s like a miracle for you guys!! INDIGO GIRLS FOR FREE!!! i don’t think it gets any better for you. life is all down hill from here!! KIDDING!!! but seriously i know how huge THAT is. i’m still traumatized by the memories …that tells me how huge it is!! hahaha

*sings as i shudder: i ran through the churches, i ran through the fountains *stabs self in ear: i ran through the valleys, i ran through the mountains. apparently stabbing yourself in your ear DOESN’T get a song out of your head.

where the hell is danger danger high voltage when i need it??? damn work and not being able to listen to music!!!

*shovel smacked in face* owww. quit it.
*shovel smacked in face again* ihhhhhh
*shovel smacked in face once more* owww. quit it.

MAKE IT STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

Curtis H. Folts: Hey Krissy, Thanks! Now I know what to get you for Christmas. Do they make an “anti-ingo girls” cd?

Krissy: curtis, omg. you have NOOOO earthly idea how much they played their indigo girls tape growing up. stacy and i had nightmares cus it was in the background of our dream and it wouldn’t stop cus in real life they were playing it over and over and over and we could hear it.

 

Crossing the Tampa Bay on 275.

So anyway, hijinks aside, a place in St. Pete called Creative Clay, which offers classes to students of all ages with various disabilities in Florida, sponsored a free, fundraiser concert during the annual Folkfest,  a street fair with artists and food vendors and the headliner last night was the Indigo Girls! We wouldn’t miss this for the world, so we hopped in the car (we live about 90 minutes away from St. Pete) and headed in to town! 

 

We got there really early because there was no traffic, so we landed a killer parking spot at Tropicana Field, where they were offering free parking as part of the event. And because we got there so early, we had to kill some time so we grabbed a late lunch at Ferg’s Sports Bar, across the street from the “Trop.”

We shared a Cuban sandwich (a Florida tradition) and fries, and watched some fishing show on the bar’s multiple TVs (I hate TVs in bars … they’re so distracting!) which was hosted by two guys in jeans and t-shirts and a young woman who appeared to be wearing a prom dress. Don’t ask. I don’t know why. 

I’m so used to living in Florida that I forget sometimes how beautiful it is here. We live out in the boonies, so we experience a more wild Florida lifestyle with the bugs and critters, but even the police stations here are handsome! 

When we got there, the festival street was empty, so we were able to take our time and take in the sights. By the time the show started, however, it was standing room only, all the way down the block and then some. Thank goodness we had the foresight to bring some chairs! In the meantime, we saw some gorgeous artwork (didn’t buy anything, unfortunately) and Jeff took a picture of this door. Have I mentioned that he likes to take pictures of alleys and doors? Freud, anyone? 

By the time the Indigo Girls hit the stage, the street was standing room only.

Shortly before the concert began, the couple in front of us—who were perfectly seated for me to see beyond—moved their chairs a few inches to the left, so the man’s head was directly in my line of vision. They soon got up and went to get a beer, so Jeff—gentleman that he is—got up and pretended to trip, “accidentally” pushing the man’s chair back to its original location. See? He really is a keeper!   

I’ve seen a lot of concerts in my time, but I have to say that this was one of the best ever. The Indigo Girls were note perfect, and the sound engineers had the levels and volume ideally balanced. They sang a lot of our old favorites (they didn’t sing Blood and Fire, though) and it was a fantastic time for all. Meantime, Miami artist Lebo created a piece of art to be auctioned for the fundraiser.

How can love be a bad thing?

And, of course, since the Indigo Girls are openly lesbian, this was definitely a gay-friendly venue. I love attending gay-friendly events because only at a place where same-sex couples can feel comfortable holding hands is there a truly peaceful, happy vibe. Everyone is laid back and groovy and “gay” can actually mean “happy.” The last time we experienced this was a Melissa Etheridge concert, but that crowd was so predominantly female that Jeff was almost overwhelmed by all the estrogen in the air. 

On a side note, I finally had a chance to use the video capture function on my digital cam! I managed to take a few videos of my favorite songs, but I don’t think I’m allowed to post them without stepping over copyright laws. Plus, out of respect for my dear daughter’s delicate ears, I don’t know if a video of Closer to Fine would be appropriate.

Here’s you an irony photo: the person in the yellow t-shirt is the security guard who is supposed to be enforcing this sign. Don't be fooled by the small crowd. The opening act was playing and the VIP seats (which you can see) weren't filled yet.

1 Comment

Posted in Humor, Life is Fun!, Lisa and Jeff

Tagged , , ,

The boat ramp to nowhere

Posted on September 29, 2010 | 3 comments

One of the bright spots about being a “product of today’s economy” (unemployed) is that Jeff and I have a lot of free time to find inexpensive ways to entertain ourselves. It’s weird how some people actually say things like “It must be nice to be on vacation all the time,” turning our situation into something that we’re doing wrong, when we simply haven’t found jobs yet and are making lemonade out of the lemons we’ve been handed. People are funny. And speaking of fun, we found an invisible lake and a portal to another dimension!

We recently visited a place called Crews Lake Park, in Pasco County, FL. You can see from the sign that there is a sizable lake in this park, including a boat ramp and a pier. The park is filled with gorgeous old-growth trees, all covered with the Spanish moss that makes Florida so beautiful, so the ride through the park on the bike was magical.

We followed the map to the boat ramp because Jeff is always interested in finding new places to fish. We finally found the boat ramp, but couldn’t find the lake! All we found was a literal sea of green. Fortunately, as I mentioned above, we’ve become experts at making the best of whatever situation life throws our way, so Jeff decided to cool off and take a dip.

We eventually found the pier, which was also woefully lacking in water, but at least there was a sort of a pond there. The water was obviously nowhere near as high as it’s supposed to be, because the grass under the pier has been mowed! When we got home we looked online to find out what the heck happened to the lake, but in the meantime this was one of the more amazing things we’ve seen in a while.

My favorite thing about this park is what I mentioned, briefly, above—the magical feeling that the trees give off. You know those “vortexes” that you hear about in Sedona, AZ and other places? I’m convinced there is one here in this park. Under these trees, it felt like I was stepping into another dimension. It was as if I could see the air rippling and colors were brighter. I felt like all of my cells were alive and standing at attention, being fed with the energy of pure life.

Jeff felt the same way inside this incredible tree formation, which brought to my mind the phrase “fairy ring.” We both lingered at these spots, which were very close to each other, for some time and got our batteries recharged.

Then, of course, we happened to find some dogs. That “here’s you a dog” thing just isn’t going away anytime soon, is it? 😉

Here's you two dogs.

3 Comments

Posted in Humor, Life is Fun!, Lisa and Jeff

Who doesn’t love a free Halloween haunted house?

Posted on September 23, 2010 | 3 comments

Pay no attention to the typo. Voluntees are wanted.

Jeff and I were out on the bike the other day when we stopped in to see some friends who put on a free Haunted House last year. It was so successful that they’re doing it again this year, so if you find yourself in Pasco County, Florida on October 31, stop on in with a can of food or two (entrance is free, but they are asking for donations for the United Methodist Church’s food pantry).

Last year, Jeff was one of the haunters of the house. This year, we won’t be in town (we’ll be at Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert’s Rally to Restore Sanity in Washington DC, blogging about the event) so he’s going to have to wear his ghost drag at the nation’s capitol if he’s going to dress up on Halloween, one of his favorite holidays. Here’s hoping, with his bizarre luck, that he doesn’t get tackled by the Secret Service and forced to live in a tent for an extra week, freezing his cajones off, waiting for his court date.

Ron, Ann and Paula take a break.

Anyway, Roman and Paula Kowal came up with the great idea last year to put on a free haunted house on their vast property. There are plenty of twisting and turning paths, with an empty house that they aren’t living in (they live in a house adjacent to the haunted house land) and an incredible supply of haunted house stuff. I have no idea where they got it all from, but when we stopped by the other day, I was blown away by how ready they are for this year, with the help of friends like Ron and Ann, and Don and Christine and others I haven’t met yet.

Paula told me that she was amazed by how many people are calling to find out if they are doing it again this year and to volunteer because they want to be a part of it. In fact, one father is making his adolescent son volunteer to work off a punishment, but I rather think that the boy is not feeling a lot of pain doing something so fun, except for working in the blistering Florida heat preparing the place for their one-night-only show.

Did I mention the wildlife on Roman and Paula’s land? They have an emu farm, with plenty of peacocks roaming the property. A few years ago, Jeff was asked by a mutual friend, Bob, to help him take care of the emus while Roman and Paula were out of town. Bob had found one of the emus dead, and needed Jeff’s help to remove the body from their pen, but the living emus were having none of these two strange humans touching their dead pal. They rushed and attacked Bob and Jeff, who both ran like little girls out of the pen.

Bob then told Jeff that if he holds a shovel up over his head, the emus will think that he’s taller than them, and leave him alone. I don’t know if Jeff is less than intelligent, or if he’s just willing to try anything (I prefer to believe the latter), but in he went … for about two seconds, because Bob was wrong. Roman and Paula found an ex-emu in the pen when they returned from their trip.

Not to worry, though. The emus will be put up for the night, so attendees can leave their shovels at home. The theme of this year’s haunted house is Sleepy Hollow, because Roman and Paula somehow acquired a horse this past year, and it would be a shame to waste a horse, wouldn’t it? Now all they need is a headless horseman!  Headless voluntees, anyone?

 

P.S. The haunted house is at 17128 East Road, Hudson, FL 34667, a few miles south of County Line Road, just north of Hudson Ave. You can’t miss it. Watch for the sign.

I thought the whole "here's you a dog" thing had run its course, but I keep finding fun pics of dogs, like this one getting the Vulcan Mind Meld from Jeff. So, here's you a dog who's been hyp-no-tized.

3 Comments

Posted in Humor, Lisa and Jeff

It was 20 years ago today…

Posted on September 22, 2010 | 6 comments

We got married in a Windchime Wedding on 1/1/2009 (adds up to 11) at 1PM. When we stood in line to get our license, our "take a number" ticket was 111.

Well, twenty-one actually, but that’s not as poetic as the classic Beatles line. Before Jeff and I got married in 2009, we used to mark our anniversary by the day we met, and today marks 21 years ago that we met at Snickerz Comedy Bar, in Fort Wayne, IN. I think ours is, by far, one of the best “how we met” tales you’ll ever hear, so pull up a chair kids, cuz Auntie Lisa is gonna tell you a story.

Once upon a time, I was a divorced mother of two and touring standup comic. My girls, Kristina and Stacy, and I lived a strange and interesting life, based out of a shitty little third-floor walkup apartment in the suburbs of Chicago, during which time we traveled the country and met various celebs (ask the girls about the time they met Tim Allen during a tornado, or the time they hustled quarters from Willy Farrell to play video games in the hotel lobby).

On the road in Lincoln, Nebraska

We had moved to Chicago from Fort Wayne because there was a plethora of comedy clubs in Chicago and I wouldn’t have to travel as much to make a living. I had to take them on the road from time to time–when it couldn’t be avoided, because taking them out of school to do their homework on the road was difficult (aside from the fact that their homework never got done because we all lacked the discipline to make sure it did)–so living in a city where I could work in town more often made sense.     

This headshot may still be hanging at a comedy club near you!

I spent seven years after my divorce “playing the field” and making EXTRA sure that if I ever ended up in a serious relationship again, it was going to be on much more balanced terms than my dysfunctional marriage was. I never wanted to get divorced again, so I wasn’t getting serious with ANYONE until I knew in my soul that it would be forever.     

Finally, one day I realized I’d had enough trying on men as if they were shoes to see if they would pinch my toes or allow me to walk freely. I was ready to meet him, to find Mr. Right. I stated, out loud to the Universe, that I was done playing around and that I was open to attracting the man who would be my perfect match, one who would grow with me as I grew, one who would enjoy life the same way I do, and the one who wouldn’t try to change me into his version of the “perfect little wifey.”    

Onstage opening for the TV show Night Shift.

I had no idea, back then, that this would actually work. I’ve learned since then about the Law of Attraction and “creating my own reality,” but back then I was just a frustrated woman who’d had enough of the dating world’s bullshit. I felt like Charlotte on Sex and the City, crying out, “Where is he???”   

As a touring standup comedienne, I had myself booked for months in advance, as is necessary in that field. One day, shortly after my declaration, I got a call from the club owner in Detroit—where I was to perform the following week—that the club had burned down! My gig was cancelled.     

These two never stood a chance of being less than odd.

I got on the phone and called every booking agent I knew, trying to fill this gap in my schedule. Finally, I landed a last minute gig in a club in Virginia Beach. The day before I was to leave Chicago for the long drive to Virginia, I got a call from the booking agent, who told me that Hurricane Hugo had wiped out the club. My gig was cancelled.     

Panicky, I called the only place that I hadn’t called the week prior, the club where I started out years ago, in my home town—Snickerz Comedy Bar in Fort Wayne, IN. I begged Kevin Ferguson, my friend and the club owner, to let me MC the show, even though he usually did that job. I told him that he wouldn’t have to pay for my hotel, I would stay with my parents.     

Kevin Ferguson

He agreed and I drove to Fort Wayne to make at least a couple of bucks … nowhere near what I would have made in Detroit or Virginia Beach, but enough to pay a bill or two, and I’d get to visit family and friends.     

How could you not love a guy who looks like this in his drivers license photo?

The feature act that week at Snickerz was Jeff. We both knew, pretty immediately, that our instant connection was something different. We were so comfortable together, like we’d known each other forever, like best friends.      

Jeff's comedy headshot

I knew I liked him as more than a friend when he understood a comment I made, one that most men would have taken the wrong way. We were working with a headliner who was always “on” … you know, the kind of person who thinks that everything he says is the funniest thing ever and, even offstage, never stops making and laughing at his own jokes, which really aren’t that funny. I said to Jeff, “The problem with laughing at his jokes is that it’s like faking an orgasm. He thinks he’s doing a great job because I’m telling him he is, so he keeps doing it wrong and I have no one to blame but myself.”

Jeff was able to see beyond the sexual reference and not act like Beavis or Butthead (“She said orgasm … duh huh huh”). That’s when I knew that he was really listening, instead of just trying to get laid. That doesn’t mean he wasn’t trying to get laid, but that he stood a chance of sticking around afterwards.    

He and I are now married and have been together 21 years, today. I’m not saying it’s been easy—in fact it hasn’t. It’s been downright painful at times. But soul mate relationships aren’t meant to be easy, in my opinion. It’s your soul mate who brings out not just the best in you, but your worst, and helps you grow into a better person instead of allowing your worst to take you over. Jeff and I have been that for each other, as well as best friends, family and each other’s muse. It’s clear to me that we were “meant to be.”     

I think this is an incredible story, and so does author Amy Spencer, who included it in her book Meeting Your Half-Orange. Now, I’m not taking responsibility for a fire or tidal wave, but I do think that this story goes way beyond the realm of “coincidence,” don’t you?

6 Comments

Posted in Humor, Law of Attraction, Lisa and Jeff