Tag Archives: CNN

Why “Fear of Our Father” was originally titled “Sink or Swim”

Posted on June 17, 2013 | Leave a comment

Fear of Our Father, the book I co-authored with Stacey M. Kananen, is doing extremely well in sales! We’re way up there on the Amazon Best Seller lists (at this moment we’re #10 on the Hot New Releases page) and we’re getting lots of great feedback and reviews from readers.

In fact, we even received this impressive blurb from Marti Rulli, author of Goodbye Natalie, Goodbye Splendour: “A gut-wrenching story…Brace yourself…Fear of Our Father reveals one complication after another. If ever a story existed to change your conviction that there’s no such thing as justifiable murder, Fear of Our Father is it.”

All of that is very exciting, but I want to take a moment today to talk about the book’s original title. When we first pitched it to Berkley Publishing, the book was entitled Sink or Swim. We were basing the theme around an incident that happened when Stacey was a child. She was in second grade when her abusive father took her by boat to a floating deck at a local lake and left her there—for his own amusement—to swim ashore or drown. He really would have let her die. Of that, there was no doubt.

More than survival instinct was at play here. There was deliberate choice: sink or swim. Six-year-old Stacey defiantly chose to take a chance and swim for shore. She decided, then and there, that he couldn’t kill her, no matter what. This survivor’s spirit is what helped Stacey to carry on through the most amazing true story you’ll read this year.

While Fear of Our Father is an incredible “True Crime” story—really, it’s a stunning page-turner that you won’t be able to put down—our purpose for writing it was to be an inspiration for pretty much everyone who is living through hard times. But, specifically, it’s a story of survival of the most difficult kind—unrelenting domestic violence and abuse, which eventually results in murder and betrayal. It’s because of the story’s readability in the “True Crime” genre that the publisher retitled it.

While doing research for the book, Stacey and I took a trip to a “spiritualist camp” in Cassadaga, Florida, where her father used to drag her so he could get psychic readings regarding hallucinations he was experiencing. He had been burning a charcoal grill in the house, for heat, and the noxious fumes caused him to feel that he was getting messages about a phoenix bird, rising from the ashes. The psychic told him that he needed to go to Arizona, “to find his people.” That advice, unfortunately, was the cause of one of the most horrific weeks of Stacey’s entire life.

I wanted to see what Cassadaga looks like, so she and her partner Susan and I went for a visit. It’s a quaint little town with a lovely hotel and a cute gift shop or two. Stacey bought me a souvenir in the form of a little tile that says, on one side, “You can change the world,” and on the other, “Your imagination is limitless.” I have it on my desk to this day because that really is the spirit in which we wrote this book. We want to change the world. We want to help people who are still swimming for shore. We have big plans, and our imagination is limitless. Check out the Spectrum of Light Transformation Center’s website to see what I mean.

So please, by all means, pick up a copy of Fear of Our Father. It’s an incredible story. If you want, post a picture of yourself with your copy on our Facebook page, where we’re gathering photos of readers. And be sure to leave a great review on Amazon.com, Barnes&Noble.com, Goodreads, or any other place you prefer. Help us get the word out, because “You can change the world.”

Fear of Our Father: http://www.fearofourfather.com
Stacey Kananen’s father violently and sexually abused his entire family. He vanished in 1988 and 15 years later his wife went missing. Stacey’s brother had killed both parents. Stacey cooperated as a witness until he told police that she helped him with the crimes. She was arrested and her trial, which aired on CNN’s In Session, ended with a not guilty verdict after her attorney proved that she had been railroaded. And this paragraph doesn’t even scratch the surface of the whole story.

Spectrum of Light Transformation Center: http://spectrumoflightcenter.com

Emmy nominated BBC Documentary
(featuring an interview with Stacey M. Kananen):
America’s Child Death Shame

Investigation Discovery series Catch My Killer
(an exploration of the Kananen family’s story)
Episode title “The Dearly Departed”

Tampa Bay Times article:
Hudson woman finds new life after years of abuse, allegations of murder

From victim to victor

Posted on July 31, 2011 | 3 comments

We’ve all heard the expression “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Well, I know someone who was pelted with lemons her whole life and is now making lemon meringue pie. Her name is Stacey Kananen and I am in awe of her.

Stacey was in second grade when her abusive father left her on a floating deck at a local lake to swim ashore or drown. For him, it was a win-win: either his kid learned to swim, or he had one less mouth to feed and a convenient excuse for her demise. Six-year-old Stacey had to make a deliberate choice: sink or swim. She defiantly chose to survive.

Richard Kananen violently and sexually abused his wife and three children for decades. In constant fear for their lives, the family endured his unpredictable whims by ducking bullets, knives and fists, walking on eggshells to avoid sadistic “learning lessons,” as he called the abuse. When he vanished in 1988, they were so relieved by his absence that no one reported “The Monster” missing.

Fifteen years after Richard’s disappearance, Stacey’s mother Marilyn went missing and an investigation led police to suspect her brother, Rickie, of foul play. Rickie confessed to police that he buried his father’s body under the cement floor of his mother’s garage, and Marilyn’s body in Stacey’s back yard.

Rickie eventually agreed to a plea bargain to avoid the death penalty and told police that Stacey—who angered him by cooperating as a witness for the State—helped him murder their parents. She was arrested and charged. Her murder trial aired on CNN’s In Session, as dueling attorneys verbally danced around inadmissible evidence, e.g., Rickie’s own admissions that he had killed their father, his half-written novel about a severely abused boy who grows up to join a secret organization that kills abusive parents, his deposed statement that Stacey was innocent, and much more.

Stacey and Diana Tennis

Miraculously—after years of preparation and in a flawless, Matlock moment—Stacey’s defense attorney, Diana Tennis, finally unearthed a missing piece of evidence that conflicted with Rickie’s story and proved that Stacey had been railroaded. She was found not guilty, but her relief was short lived. Now she had to rebuild her devastated life.

Finally in therapy, she struggled to make sense of what had happened to her. She felt an all-consuming urge to become an advocate for abused kids. She asked me to co-author a book because I—her friend and neighbor—witnessed the seven year process from murder to verdict and had attended her trial. She trusted my background as a writer for MSNBC and knew that I could be completely objective and non-judgmental. The writing of that book is now underway.

But writing a book wasn’t enough. Stacey knew that her calling was bigger than that. Visions of creating a kids’ camp or some sort of advocacy program haunted her and wouldn’t let her go. We brainstormed and researched, and discovered that there is an infinite number of programs already in existence. We wondered: if so many advocacies are already in place, why does this problem still exist? Apparently what society is doing isn’t working. We knew we had to come up with a new idea.

And so, we developed our own program, a new concept called Amnesty for Abuse, to extend a non-judgmental olive branch to those who wish to quit the cycle of abuse. The premise is that the majority of abusers were once abused themselves: abuse is usually learned behavior—victims victimizing victims. Part of that learned behavior is shame. Both the abused and the abuser feel shame for the role they are playing. When one feels ashamed, one is not likely to ask for help to get out of their abusive situation. In addition, admissions made in therapy are often subject to mandatory reporting to authorities. Amnesty for Abuse recognizes the courage that it takes to ask for help and offers amnesty for those admissions as long as the abuser stays in and sincerely works the program.

The format is a compassionate holistic, body/mind/spirit method of therapy that addresses all facets of the human condition and family dynamics in order to help all family members to heal and be healed. The family works together to stay together, if at all possible. The program works as an alternative to the legal and CPS systems, in order to keep people out of the courts and in their homes.

We realize that this could be perceived as Pollyannaism. After all, so many laws make it impossible to offer abusers anything other than harsh punishment, in the “eye for an eye” vein. But as Bill Clinton—who knows a thing or two about judgment and forgiveness—once said, “… the anger, the resentment, the bitterness, the desire for recrimination against people you believe have wronged you — they harden the heart and deaden the spirit and lead to self-inflicted wounds.”

So if Stacey Kananen—a woman who has endured the most horrific things that can be inflicted upon a child—can see the value in a program like this, then why not give it a try? As I said, nothing else seems to be working. Various therapists and healers have expressed amazement that something like this isn’t already in place and recognize the value in this approach.

Stacey with Natalia Antelava

The program is in its infancy, but we’re already gaining support and interest from experts in the field. We have sent out information packages to some pretty powerful people and, as a result, Natalia Antelava–a reporter for the BBC–heard about Stacey’s story. Stacey and I just returned home from a trip to Washington DC where Natalia interviewed her for a documentary about child abuse that will air on the BBC in September, and on PBS here in the States.

Stacey and me in front of the BBC building in Washington

We’re on an exciting road, Stacey and I, and we can’t wait to see what happens next. We’re actively searching for the next logical step in the progression and growth of the book and the program. Are you one of the missing links between now and then? If you feel that you would like to be a part of this cutting edge approach to an age-old problem, drop us an email at info@amnestyforabuse.com!

Stacey’s own blog can be found here.

3 Comments

Posted in Sink or Swim, Stacey M. Kananen

Tagged Abuse, BBC, Bill Clinton, Child abuse, Children Youth and Family, CNN, MSNBC, Washington DC

The Big Announcement …

Posted on February 25, 2011 | 5 comments

I’ve been dropping hints and teasers for the past couple months about a “secret” project I’m working on. I haven’t been intentionally teasing, I’ve just been so excited that I can’t not talk about it! Keeping quiet has been driving me a little batty, but I understand that everything has its own divine timing and the time had not come, “… the Walrus said, to talk of many things …” Well, the time has finally come.

My friend Stacey and I are working on a project that uses our biggest strengths to their greatest advantage. See, I’m a writer who loves to figure out what makes things tick, and she’s a person who ticks. Stacey Kananen’s family endured decades of horrible abuse by her father, who “vanished” in 1988 when he was shot and buried under the garage floor by her mother, Marilyn, and her brother, Rickie. Fifteen years later, Rickie murdered Marilyn and falsely accused Stacey of helping him. He avoided the death penalty by accepting a plea bargain from an overzealous detective who was convinced of her guilt.

Stacey, as is typical in abusive households, was taught to never reveal the family’s secrets, but she was forced into the spotlight when the story became national news. She spent three years under house arrest at her girlfriend’s family’s nudist resort until her trial, which—to her horror—was televised on CNN’s In Session, in 2010. The circumstantial evidence against her was powerful, and the trial was touch and go until Stacey’s defense attorney—in a flawless, Matlock moment—unearthed a last-minute piece of evidence, overlooked by the detective, that proved Rickie’s story against her was fabricated and that she has been railroaded.

I have five years of experience as a writer/producer for MSNBC.com and I am also Stacey’s neighbor and friend. Stacey and I met in 2004, a month after Marilyn’s body was found buried in her back yard. I watched this story unfold and attended the trial. Now that her privacy has been ripped from her, Stacey has decided to share her story and dedicate her life to advocacy for abused children. If her family had received the help they so desperately needed, her brother would not be in prison and her mother would be alive. The system is obviously broken, and needs new, fresh voices of experience to add their input. Stacey has asked me to help her with this monumental and important task, and I intend to do just that.

The project is finally at a tipping point. We’ve done enough research and have put in enough hours to know that this is something we really intend to do. It’s not just a “wouldn’t it be nice if…” scenario anymore. We’re still at the early stages: the book we’re working on has yet to find a publisher and Stacey has yet to find the right organization with whom to throw in her hat (maybe she’ll start her own!). But in any case, we now feel like we can talk about it to people other than each other and our families.

To that end, I did my first radio interview Tuesday to get the ball rolling and I received a wonderful response. People are fascinated, concerned and very supportive. I can’t wait to see where this path takes us! If you want to follow along, I’ll be posting status updates on Facebook and Twitter, and putting longer updates here on my blog. While you’re at it, why not send Stacey a friend request on Facebook and lend your energetic support to someone who is seriously stepping outside of her comfort zone.