Tag Archives: Sexual abuse

When a private story goes public

This past week, my co-author Stacey M. Kananen‘s life has been splashed all over the airwaves and internet (admittedly, I’ve been doing some of that splashing). See, Stacey was horribly abused as a child and then, as an adult, accused of murdering both of her parents. When she was found not guilty, she asked me to co-author her life story so she can tell what happened from her perspective.

photo from the Tampa Bay Times, Douglas R. Clifford photographer

Tampa Bay Times, Douglas R. Clifford photographer

Up until then, the only story that the public knew was what the media and the prosecuting attorney were telling them, and they were making her sound like a murderer who got away with heinous crimes.

On March 3 (and subsequent rerun dates), a portion of that story was told on the Investigation Discovery series, Catch My Killer (episode title: The Dearly Departed–watch: Catch My Killer promo video).

While the show was mostly accurate (only a couple wince-inducing inaccuracies and one flat-out lie from a “witness,” but that’s to be expected when someone who wasn’t there is telling a story), they could only tell so much of the story in the allotted time frame of sixty minutes. Her trial was only mentioned in the final couple minutes, and a lot of important details were left out. But, again, they only had one hour to tell a very complex story.

But that’s where the book comes in. Fear of Our Father tells the whole story, from her childhood to the aftermath of her trial. It clears up any questions left dangling by the TV show’s brevity. It explains why she’s so passionate about starting up her own advocacy program. Yes, there are many programs out there, most started up by people who’ve lived through similar abuse like Jaycee Dugard and Elizabeth Smart. They all have their own take on what could work, and so does Stacey.

What impresses me most about Stacey is that she has come to terms with the fact that her incredibly private story is now out there for all the world to see and comment on. While her trial aired on In Session, viewers posted horrible things about her and her family, many forgetting that they were watching the suffering of real people, not characters in a movie. This book is Stacey M. Kananen taking charge of her life, for the very first time.

The Tampa Bay Times printed a very good article last week, and I’m very happy for Stacey that she is finally getting to tell her story. Here’s hoping that this is just the beginning of a successful new journey for her.

Am I boring you?

I know I’ve been posting a lot of stuff lately about feminism, sexuality and age (both young and old). I hope I’m not coming off as a one-note wonder, but since I’ve started writing a book with my co-author, Stacey M. Kananen, who was sexually assaulted between the ages of 4-22 by her own father, I’ve become increasingly aware of how much more common this is than we realize. It’s leading me down paths of discovery that I wish to share with those who might be inclined to do … something … I don’t know what can be done, but we can’t just sit back and ignore the continual over-sexualization of the female form, no matter what its age.

My philosophy of life leans toward the “New Thought” side of things, wherein we are responsible for our own creations, where karma isn’t a punishment but is instead cause and effect, and “soul contracts” are agreements we make with others to experience both the best and worst life has to offer. That said, I know that some people will respond with things like “It’s all an illusion, anyway,” as if that makes it okay to sit back and watch these things happen, and the law of attraction crowd might say that it does no good to focus on things that we don’t want to see continuing. But I prefer to live by Gandhi’s words, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

One of the most valuable lessons I ever learned from Neale Donald Walsch was when he told me, “It’s not your job to save the world, just the ones God sends to you.” Well, “God” has sent me Stacey and her mission to bring awareness to child sexual abuse. So that’s what I’m doing.

Part of that awareness is shedding light on the fact that girls are treated as sexual beings from birth to death, in every culture, the world over. Many say that’s just the way it is, males are “visual beings” who can’t help themselves, and that I’m being an unrealistic and whiny baby by making a stink about it.

But here’s the deal. The stink is going to get stinkier, and I’m going to be talking about this more and more as time goes on and as this book gets off the ground. So if I’m boring you, just look the other way at these posts and watch for the funny and ironic ones. I’ll still be posting those, too, because life is still fun, but it’s also pretty scary and icky sometimes. I’m hoping to help throw a liferope to some who are stuck in the ick.

If you’re so inclined, why not send Stacey a friend request on Facebook and show your support? And if you’re not my Facebook friend, hit me up as well.